went to work this morning and was just in a haze, I couldn’t wake up or get focused for the first like half hour I was there. I’ve just had a weird day and I just feel weird.
I’m worried about my family. Literally my whole immediate family is at some kind of crossroads in their lives, we’re all struggling with varying levels of depression and it’s really just a scary time for all of us. My parents are less than a year away from their last child graduating high school and leaving the house. This is such a crazy thing because this is the time when they have to start thinking and planning for themselves. Although they’ll still have to take care of us for quite some time (/forever also, technically) the roles they’ll be playing as parents are about to change dramatically. They’re about to be able to make decisions for themselves as a couple and as individuals. Will there be a big move in their future? A new house? Any big changes? How are things going to feel with no more kids around? Pretty crazy stuff.
My oldest brother has been struggling with legal issues, finishing school, figuring out job stuff, etc. for years now and it’s only getting more and more complicated the older he gets. He just turned 29 and I think the thought of turning 30 next year has him really shaken.
My other older brother recently graduated (same time as me) and is in a similar situation that I am in in that he is trying to figure out what direction he wants his future to go. His situation differs drastically however since he has a wife and internship (that he’s not interested in) to factor in as well. We both just have a lot of big decisions ahead of us.
There’s me, who of course, has been struggling with all kinds of things for the past 5+ years but has hit a new iceburg during this confusing, crappy, post-grad transition.
My little sister is facing the same challenges I did my senior year: where to go to college? What to do about the serious high school sweetheart? What to major in? Not to mention that she is also taking college classes half day and high school the other half, and working, and having a social life, and having a boyfriend (yikes, so familiar, basically my exact senior year) except that she is her own person and has her own opinions and preferences and plans and a new development of TMJ that is putting a serious burden on her.
And finally, I just learned today that my grandparents are having some struggles of their own with adjusting to not having any young grandchildren anymore. Their kids are all busy with work and living far away and their own kids and us grandkids are in the busy stages of our lives when we’re spread so thin we hardly have any free time.
It’s been extremely difficult to keep myself positive, motivated, encouraged, etc. and it’s killing me knowing that the people that mean the absolute most to me are going through similar/their own trials. I can’t help but get sad thinking about all of my loved ones having a hard time but I can hardly keep myself afloat and I’m not sure how to help. I know we need to band together to keep each other up but it’s really difficult. I hope we will start getting some positive life developments and at least some of us can get back on track to feeling normal. All I want for my family is for them to feel happy and successful and loved.
Just feeling a lot of things in general…all the time. but today was one of those worrisome days. :/